new year, new blog.
In the spirit of fresh starts and clean slates, I've finally finished my new blog. Visit me at http://teachmetobehave.blogspot.com and let me know what you think.
posted by Elizabeth 11:59:00 PM

auld lang syne.
Every year, my New Year's Eve sucks. No matter what I do, what I plan or don't plan, badness follows. For three or four years in a row, I was home sick, barely making it to midnight to toast my parents with juice and head off to bed. I've tried going out, but it's too expensive and drunken-idiot-ful. Last year, I tried staying in with Boy, but I overstayed my welcome and, after a week's worth of avoidance, he "broke up" with me. That was the last straw. No more will I allow this night to mock me, reminding me of the fun everyone else has but I can't seem to find. No more.

Courtney wrote me a letter accompanying my Christmas present, and in it, she describes what a true New Year's Eve should be about—celebrating the past, taking what's valuable from it, and putting it away; looking toward the future and planning how to make it better than the past, better than the present. She wrote:
"I want you to be happy. More than anything in the world I want you to be happy. If I could give you this happiness, I would. But you know how harsh the world can be. It is something you have to work for. (I know I should take my own advice...) But for New Year's Eve, we will make ourselves better women. We will have facials and paint our toenails and we will make goals for the upcoming year. Then at midnight, we will each grab a cat and give them a big fat kiss! And we will be happy because our friendship is better than what most people have. We will laugh and maybe we will cry, but overall, we will grow. This next year, we will grow. Good things will come to us, I know this."

So here's to old friends and new traditions...may neither be forgot.
posted by Elizabeth 2:45:00 AM

comments.
I've been checking my page every day, looking to see if anyone cares enough to comment on any of the lackluster posts I've made lately, but all I've seen for days is "no comment" over and over again. Then today, I showed up and there were comments galore, some of them from a week ago. Have they been there all along? Why didn't they show up on my page? Why does enetation suck?

So, lest you all think I'm ignoring you, I wanted to explain that I thought you were ignoring me first. I even thought Boy had the gall to leave my previous post touting his greatness uncommented upon. See what confusion miscommunication can cause? Of course, I'm paranoid and insecure, too, so that certainly doesn't help matters.

Anyway, I'm not ignoring you and you're not ignoring me. Which is good because my new page is nearly finished and it's beautiful, everything you ever could have dreamed of. I'll post a link to it here when it's up, as long as you understand that I'm tired of censoring myself so if you know me in real life, you might want to think twice about visiting. I'm not saying that I'm going to go around bitching about you or telling all your dirty secrets, just that I'm no longer going to worry about who reads, so any image you have of me as a good girl is liable to fly right out the window. If the idea of me as a good girl just made you snort milk out your nose, though, then there's no need to worry—visit away!

Oh, and I've signed up with haloscan for the new site. I'm too fucked up in the head already to deal with all this comments-related hassle.
posted by Elizabeth 3:17:00 PM

i'm still here.
I know, I know, how can you miss me when I won't go away? But today is my one-year blog-iversary and I couldn't let it go by without another shameless, self-promoting post.

One year ago today, I wrote my first blog entry. In case you haven't been keeping up, the "non-boyfriend" referred to in that post is the figure now known (at first disparagingly, but now exclusively lovingly) as "Boy." And it's not without poignancy that I reread that post and others and realize how much my life has changed. Interestingly enough, despite losing my job, despite not finding another one, despite moving in with roommates, etc., I believe the most important change will be the evolution of my friendship with Boy. This man will change my life. He already has. (Maybe not in the ways I first thought or hoped, but what I've got now is more lasting and honest than what those thoughts and hopes were planning—we'll chalk that up to the beauty of unanswered prayers.)

So I want to state for the record (especially after rereading some old posts and comments that were anything but flattering) that Boy is good for me. Sometimes it's difficult to recognize because change is painful, and sometimes he doesn't get it right and I get hurt, but on the whole I will be different and I will be better for having had him in my life.

I strive to return the favor.
posted by Elizabeth 12:28:00 AM

humor.
I know I'm not supposed to be posting and instead working on my promised new site, but I couldn't resist sharing a quote from Jon Stewart on tonight's Daily Show.

With regard to Bush's announcement that countries who were not a part of the "coalition of the willing" will not be allowed to bid on contracts for Iraq's reconstruction:
"I should probably explain to the rest of the world...We're dicks. We don't mean anything by it, it's not personal, it's just what we are."

He should have added, "But we haven't always been this way."
posted by Elizabeth 12:55:00 AM

lacks follow through.
My blog sucks lately, don't you think? It's okay, you can admit it; I already know how you really feel, you non-commenting fairweather friends. I'm not sure if I'm suffering from writer's block—which is entirely possible, considering I haven't written a review in weeks—or blogger's ennui. Maybe it's a bit of both. Since making myself write when I don't want to is an exercise in futility, procrastination and avoidance queen that I am, I'm going to believe it's ennui and therefore fixable. Fixable how, you ask? Site redesign, I answer. See, just visiting my site is now wrapped up in all this failure and unpopularity—no comments, fewer visits, lame posts—I have a panic attack at the very sight of all these varying shades of green. And if I visit, I'm forced to look at the last trite post I made and wonder if I'll ever be able to write well again. So I'm going to start fresh, wipe the slate clean. New name, new look...new address....


(If you'd like a heads up on all this newness, send me an email and I'll notify you when I'm done formulating.)
posted by Elizabeth 11:51:00 PM

riddle me this, part deux.
What should I get my sister for Christmas?
posted by Elizabeth 12:38:00 AM

illegal humor.
QUESTIONS FOR PRESIDENT BUSH'S NEXT PRESS CONFERENCE
by Calvin Trillin
(blatantly stolen from the "Shouts and Murmurs" column of the November 17, 2003, issue of The New Yorker)

Friendly question: "Sir, although your supporters' predictions that Iraqis would greet our troops with flowers haven't been borne out, isn't it possible that, given the problems with the water supply and the infrastructure in general, there is a serious shortage of flowers over there and that Iraqis might be greeting our troops with flowers if Iraqis had any flowers?"

Follow-up question to friendly question: "Mr. President, in your budget for the reconstruction of Iraq, is there any money specifically earmarked for rebuilding the Iraqi cut-flower industry, and, if so, would any American company be able to bed on that contract, or would they have to go through your friend Joe Allbaugh's consulting firm?"

Zen question: "Sir, if the ability of the Star Wars ABMs to hit a nuclear missile is imaginary and the nuclear missiles in Iraq are imaginary, does that mean a Star Wars ABM could hit an Iraqi nuclear missile?"

Follow-up question to Zen question if answer is yes: "How could that be verified?"

Follow-up question to Zen question if answer is no: "Would you consider that justification for having gone to war against Iraq?"

Strategic-planning question: "Sir, now that you've acknowledged that there was never any evidence of Iraqi involvement in the September 11th attacks by Al Qaeda, does it remain your policy that in the event of any future Al Qaeda attack against this country we would still retaliate against Iraq, and, if so, how would you avoid hitting our own troops?"

Follow-up question to strategic-planning question: "If no, then did you have some other country in mind to retaliate against?"

Coalition question: "Is Bulgaria still part of the coalition, and, if so, what have they done for us lately?"

Follow-up question depending on answer to coalition question: "Would you encourage the American people to drink more Bulgarian wine?"

Follow-up question depending on answer to coalition question: "Would you encourage the American people to boycott Bulgarian wines, and, if so, do you know of any French wines that might make a good substitute?"

Second Zen question: "If, as you've said, Mr. President, the interim report stating that no weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq justifies our having gone to war to remove weapons of mass destruction, what would a report stating that weapons of mass destruction have been found in Iraq justify, if you know?"

Alternative to friendly question: "Sir, do you think that the flowers with which your Administration said Iraqis would greet our troops will ever be found?"

Follow-up to alternative to friendly question if answer is yes: "Then would that justify having gone to war with Iraq?"

Follow-up to alternative to friendly question if answer is no: "Then would that justify having gone to war with Iraq?"

Somewhat off-the-wall question: "Speaking of Iraq and Al Qaeda, sir, do you think it's fair that Arabs don't have to use a 'u' after a 'q'?"

Follow-up to somewhat-off-the-wall question if answer is no: "Then would that justify having gone to war with Iraq?"
posted by Elizabeth 6:28:00 PM

quote of the day.
"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it with religious conviction." (Blaise Pascal)
posted by Elizabeth 2:11:00 AM

rationalization or optimism?
All this talk of holidays has me thinking about how much I'm looking forward to the end of this year we call 2003. It hasn't been a good one, on the whole. It started out with a week's worth of silent treatment from Boy, followed by a "break up." Then things started to look up when I visited my sister in LA, and even more up when a southern gentleman came for a visit. Two days after he left, though, I got laid off. Two weeks after that, he stopped calling, not such a gentleman after all.

And, frankly, it's all kind of been a blur since then. I'm employed now, yes, but just barely, and I'm certainly not supporting myself as completely as I ought to be at this age. And it looks like it's going to be a long haul and another degree before I find anything resembling a career again. The word boyfriend (or even dating) has all but disappeared from my vocabulary. I've got roommates again. I've got debt again. I'm uninsured. Is it over yet?

It's not been all bad, though, not at all. And though the bad seems to outweigh the good from a distance, I have many more good moments than bad, and isn't that what should really matter? Maybe the reality is that I remember many more good moments than I do bad, but maybe that's what really matters. When you look at me in any given moment, chances are good that you'll find me smiling. What more could I ask for?
posted by Elizabeth 12:31:00 AM